(Background Sound is "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word" by Elton John)

If Miracles Could Talk
(written my Kyle's Mom on April 29, 2000)

This story is about what my son, Kyle might have said to the doctor/hospital that delivered him if he was able to talk during his time on this earth and what he might say now as a guardian angel.

The Truth will Always set you FREE!
Everyone needs to be treated with the respect and love that the next person would want in return...

"Take a closer look at me and tell me you meant no harm for I could not see, hear, suck, swallow or regulate my own temperature nor control the seizures that racked my small body, ...but I could FEEL. Did you feel my pain? I was once a miracle in the making, but something went very wrong that cut my life short. I was neglected by you who didn't value lives as much as you did greed and patient count at that time. Well, let's just say if you did, you forgot to tell me about it or do something about it when it came to me and my mother who both had to fight to stay alive. You forgot to tell my parents that I was not meant to be or that I was worth anything to this world, and my parents wanted to know why I was not that important to you, so they had to hire an attorney to do this since you couldn't bring yourselves to tell us the truth. Still, even years later after I've been gone you have failed to tell my family that are still on earth you are sorry or that you did anything wrong. Why? It would help them heal completely and forgive you if you did. Instead, you have left them to tell others what a bad place you run and that there are others like you around too to look out for.

When I was born, I was blue, I did not respond to simple stimulation, I did not move and I required resusitation. Even with the help of oxygen, I could not breathe on my own until 20 minutes later yet the doctor said I did all these things when I came into this world. How could I have? Why would the doctor lie to my parents, better yet, why would he lie to me? Weren't we all there when this tragedy took place? Why would the doctor blame me and my mother for what he forgot to do? Why did he not hear my mother's and my cries for help when we were hurting? I'll tell you why..he was not there. He did not care to be there because his life was more valuable to him and others than ours was, yet he chose this field of medicine to bring joy to every mother, father, sister and brother. So why were we not included in this plan? Because we were an inconvenience..that's why.

I was being punished for becoming a nuisance to him and the hospital. This was not to be tolerated so not only did he punish me and my family, but the hospital did too. Before the doctor remembered where he was supposed to be, I was crying out in my mother's womb. When the doctor gave his orders on the phone to the nurses, they administered the orders which was to suffocate me using my mother's womb as the pillow. When the first pillow was released, I tried to start breathing again..awww..that's better...I was ok after they did that, but the doctor insisted I needed to be smothered again because that did not get me to enter my mommy's birth canal. I looked at the path I was supposed to go down, but I said, "no way am I gonna crawl through that tiny tunnel..I've tried squeezing through it and backed out before I would get stuck"...and that would definitely be worse than the pillow they were using on me. I refused to listen to the doctor. And that made the doctor very angry, so he ordered the nurses to keep smothering me until I obeyed or succumbed. When the doctor decided I wasn't obeying he came and took over where the nurses failed. He decided it was time to shove me through my mommy's pelvis without even doing any tests that would prove to him I couldn't fit and why I was disobeying him. I know he wouldn't obey either if he were me. He got angry with my mother when I disobeyed and said, "if your first baby had come this way, this wouldn't be happening". Hey, but it wasn't my fault, doctor. I didn't know my mother had a prior c-section that saved my sister. Why are you blaming me? My mother couldn't help it that I was bigger than my sister was or bigger than my mother's pelvis could handle. My mother must have cared deeply for my sister or she wouldn't have the long scar on her tummy when the prior OB/GYN doctor told her that my sister was being stubborn and wouldn't fit down the same canal I was being forced into.

Why did you make me go in there? Why did you bring me back to life just to say, "Now I hope you will die?" You might as well held a gun to my head and been done with it. Why did you (both doctor and hospital) refuse to send me immediately to another hospital when you knew you didn't have the capabilities to keep me alive let alone comfortable? Because you had hoped all your efforts to correct the errors made would be enough and when they were not, you hoped I would die so you wouldn't have to tell another what went sooo wrong. But all I could understand being so tiny was you wanted to punish me and my family for being bad. What did we do to you to deserve this kind of treatment other than put our trust in you? Did we ask you to do something that you were not capable of performing? If we did, we did it unknowingly because you assured us you had the most up to date technology to handle any kind of delivery.

But then you (the hospital now) forgot you had a bad doctor who called the shots than taking over when he decided crucifying us would be in your best interest.

Did you (doctor and hospital) come to see me at my new home you transferred me to from your home? Why not? If you did, I think you would have a change of heart and make sure this didn't happen to another family. The other home was quite nice to my family and me but then I was all doped up and couldn't warn my mommy and daddy that this hospital now was holding the bag of telling them how all these problems I was having could have been the result of what may have happened in my mommy's 3rd or 4th month of pregnancy rather than telling them the truth..that it definitely happened during my delivery. My parents told them to do further testing. They did but forgot to tell them that their prognosis was wrong after the test revealed it did indeed occur much later than before but they didn't want to point the finger at you, cuz they thought when you took the oath of "first do no harm", that you took the steps to avoid what I had gone through..boy were they fooled...I should know when it happened...I was there.

I was the one being suffocated and squished through a small canal. I was the one being put on all those tubes and monitors at the newer home. I didn't think my body could go through much more than it already had, but I gave it a go and hoped for a miracle just as much as my mommy, daddy, sister and other relatives did. Instead I ended up going through two bouts of meningitis and pneumonia on top of what I already had before finally giving up and throwing in the towel. I do believe what my mommy says, "if Kyle was not meant to be, how could he have suffered through all that if he weren't healthy to begin with?"

I left my family on February 11, 1990. I went to yet another home, but this home does not wish to transfer me any more. I now get to watch over my parents and help guide them. I wished I could have helped other families that had to go through what I did, but God had other plans for me. HE said I needed to stay with my mommy cuz she needed me a lot more just to survive from all the phases of grieving when it comes to malpractice victims so she could get enough strength to help others who would listen. I see that somehow I played a small part in getting the justice I so richly deserved in the human race part of it. Thank you Mommy for hanging in there. I'll see you again when it's time for you to join me!"

Love,
Kyle

I Race With Angels In The Sky

Mom I know you miss me
I can feel it in your heart.
The months you made with me are not all gone.
You made me believe in miracles
and saw to it I had a heart.
The wind blew through our home,
and I was called to go home.
I see the tears fall from your eyes,
each teardrop that falls
I make a wish to see you one day in my home.
My home surrounded with the faces of angels.
They come by each day
and tell me how my family is doing.
It never gets dark here so I am not afraid.
The days go by each ending
with a new color in the sky.
One day you will also see
the brilliant colors of the sky.
I can not see you, but I can feel your pain.
I pray that God gives you the courage
to understand and the wisdom to know
that hearts never die they go on,
and on through eternity.
I want you to know my heart lives on
because I had a wonderful family
who taught me the difference
between right and wrong.
Each day you wakeup
look for a new color in the sky.
I am learning new things
I wish you could see.
I now have a perfect body spirit and mind.
I race with the angels in the sky.

By Patricia Kriegel

More Poems by Patricia Kriegel

Questions, Ideas, Comments or Problems Contact me. 

Graphic set on this page was made by Kyle's Mommy and should not be taken without permission as it was made just for the Memory of Kyle!

Lyrics to Song:

By Elton John
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word


What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there

What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

What do I do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word